Pushing density. I’ve tried it. It doesn’t work.
Submitting. I’ve tried it. It doesn’t work.
Looking the other way. I’ve tried it. It doesn’t work.
Pleasing for approval. I’ve tried it. It doesn’t work.
Loving while NOT pushing density, submitting, looking the other way, or pleasing for approval. That does work.
photo by Kyle Baldinger
“Well, I’ve been ‘fraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m gettin’ older, too”
≡ Stevie Nicks
In a few weeks, it will be the anniversary of the worst day of my kids and I’s life.
Many of you have asked how this holiday season would feel for us, and I am very grateful for your mindfulness. The truth is, I’m not quite sure yet.
Part of me wants to make it the best holiday I know how to, full of the cheer and frivolity that Thanksgiving and Christmas bring, in an effort to create new memories that are positive and full of love. The other part of me wants to curl up in a ball and mourn for my family’s pain that is naturally triggered by this time of year.
I’m currently in a limbo, and I know if I stay stuck in a limbo I will be frozen and revert to a survival mode that doesn’t do either – mourn or create new memories.
You may be victim blaming and not even know it. We’ve all done it, not realizing that we were blaming and shaming victims because our own heads couldn’t wrap around the stories or situations. Or we just simply denied it all as not true because we didn’t want to believe that someone we thought highly of could be capable of causing harm to others. In fact, blaming and shaming victims makes it easier for *us* to process the situation because it’s easier. We then do not have to step in to be brave for the victim. It gets us off the hook.
“The courage to be vulnerable is not about winning or losing, it’s about the courage to show up when you can’t predict or control the outcome.” ― Brene Brown, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.
And those who *do* “show up” will be judged the most, but that’s okay, they’re the ones showing up. They’re the ones making real change and progress. And giving more love.
Let’s show up, k?