Mumford and Sons have spoken to my soul for a long time now. The lyrical beauty of their words often leaves me in tears. The good kind of tears, though. Like a tear language that only your heart knows how to speak.
It doesn’t matter how many times I listen to the same songs, the feelings are the same.
There are many lyrics that I want to share with you from various Mumford and Sons songs, but this one…this one is my very favorite. It’s about love, but not the cliche type of love song. You know mama is deeper than that.
No, this is about real love. In fact, it has become my life mantra. The one I always come back to.
When I first heard it, my spirit sang.
“Love, it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free”
The lyrics come from Sigh No More from the Sigh No More album.
I’ll share the actual song and full lyrics at the end of this post, DON’T YOU WORRY.
A couple of years ago, my best friend, Jess, gave me the gift of these lyrics in stunning calligraphy on paper. It hangs in a frame on the wall in my workspace. Because it’s that good.
But wait, what is love anyway?
It can be a sticky subject.
Most would say that love is relative to each individual. In that, we all experience, consume and define love as something different, and there is no real answer. Perhaps that’s correct, but, being that I’m human along with all of you, I think there are some natural qualities to love that make it a real thing that we can all attest to.
Can you be fooled by fake love? ABSOLUTELY. In fact, count on it. It’s with the failures in love that we learn what the good love stuff is.
Recently, I read a fabulous series on AffairRecovery.com (a fabulous resource website if you’ve experienced an affair, whether you’re a religious person or not) about the differences between love and limerence.
I’ll be honest – I had no idea what limerence was until I read this piece.
In basic terms, it’s infatuation, but there’s more.
from Affair Recovery:
“Dorothy Tennov coined the term “Limerence” in her 1979 book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love. The term was used to describe a condition she had witnessed in her interviews with over 500 people on the topic of love in the mid-1960s. Tennov described limerence as an intense romantic desire. It’s a form of “crazy love” that consumes the thought life of those so stricken. Today that same condition is frequently considered to be a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), but in the world of mental health, a diagnostic code for “crazy love” has yet to be assigned. Perhaps that is due to the different states of love.
Limerence is an intense form of romantic love characterized by an emotional attachment or even an obsession with another person, which usually is involuntary, and which contains a strong desire for the reciprocation of those feelings. According to Tennov, the romantic attachment is such that the emotional state of the limerent (the person who is in limerence) is dependent on how the relationship is fairing. If the other party returns their love and affection then they are euphoric, but that feeling is balanced out by the dread of losing the relationship. If they feel the other person doesn’t return their ‘love’ or if they feel the other party is moving away from them they can become despondent, depressed and even suicidal. At any given moment the state of their emotional well-being is dependent on how the object of their affection responds or whether life’s circumstances support or block their relationship.”
You can read the article in its entirety here.
Whether you’ve experienced a marital affair or not, this article still holds true as to what real love freaking is.
I especially loved these quotes in the “Love vs Limerence” section of the article:
Love acts in the best interest of another person. Limerence acts in your own self-interest.
Love is a choice, not just a feeling.
Love consists of honesty and is willing to be realistic. Limerence is narcissistic by nature.
Love is compassionate and caring to all those in your life. It is others-centered. Limerence is self-deceived and self-centered.
YES, YES YES. The author has just described what I’ve always felt about love. THIS IS LOVE.
Stop for a moment to digest this. Does this not make sense?
Think about the love you hold for the non-partners in your life, like your kids, parents, family members, and close friends. Chances are, you didn’t get butterflies in your stomach or euphoria when you first met them. That’s not to stay that it’s wrong to have those fun jitters when meeting a new partner, but forever searching for those flutters as a means to find and re-experience “love” is dangerous and, well, floppy and flimsy. Kinda like a cheap pancake.
Love is loyalty. Love is raw honesty. Love is an investment. Love is protecting. Love lives in the light, so when darkness comes (and it will), the shade cannot falter it. Love thrives and nurtures.
Anything else under the guise of “love” is wheel spinning, surface-level gaming.
Love will not betray you, dismay or enslave you. It will set you free.
Serve God, love me and mend
This is not the end
Live unbruised, we are friends
And I’m sorry, I’m sorry
Sigh no more, no more
One foot in sea, one on shore
My heart was never pure
You know me, you know me
But man is a giddy thing
Oh, man is a giddy thing
Oh, man is a giddy thing
Oh, man is a giddy thing
Love, it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be
There is a design, an alignment
A cry of my heart to see
The beauty of love as it was made to be
Love, it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be
There is a design, an alignment
A cry of my heart to see
The beauty of love as it was made to be
Love, it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be
There is a design, an alignment
A cry of my heart to see
The beauty of love as it was made to be
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